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Wednesday 17th January 2007 I came home from work around 5.30 pm as usual. Mary was preparing the dinner and Sarah and Dominic were doing their homework. John, Martin and James came in shortly after me. Dominic and Sarah finished their homework and set the table for dinner for the seven of us as was the normal family routine. The kitchen was in a bit of a mess as we were doing renovations. As we were eating the dinner everybody told how their day had gone and Mary was her usual jolly self listening to us all and telling how her day had passed.
After dinner the children went into the living room to watch TV while Mary and I cleared up and stacked the dishwasher before sitting down to our own cup of tea and a smoke. About 7.15 John and Martin spoke in to say they were going football training. Mary and I discussed the forthcoming dinner dance and the Tyrone v Cavan football match and decided to take Dominic and Sarah as a treat. Mary loved the football and supported her children playing it. It was now nearly 7.30 and Mary asked me to feed the dogs as she was going to the bathroom and wanted to watch Coronation Street which would soon be starting. That was the last time we had a conversation together.
I fed the dogs and started to work on the kitchen as I could only get working on it at night. I knew Mary would go into the room to watch her programmes away from the noise. Martin came back about 7.45 as he had forgotten his boots; obviously he was looking for mother to find them for him. She wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen so he went down the hall and as he passed the bathroom he heard a groaning noise and the light was on. He called me and we quickly got the door opened – Mary was lying on the floor. Martin dialled 999 and the others alerted aunts who were nurses and my brother. There was no response from Mary and we made her comfortable until the ambulance arrived 15 minutes later – it seemed a lot longer. In the meantime John had arrived back from training and he accompanied his mother to Craigavon area Hospital (CAH).
We all followed afterwards. A few hours later Mary was brought into Intensive Care and the medical team informed us that Mary had suffered a brain haemorrhage and there was bleeding into the brain. There was no response from Mary and obviously the children and I were extremely distraught. We had to hope for a miracle.
Thursday 18th January 2007
This was a bad day as Mary gave no response despite all our efforts in trying to communicate with her. The medical prognosis was not good which caused further distress to the families.
Friday 19th January 2007
To us, Mary seemed to be a little better as she squeezed our hands in response to questions and she moved her leg. We had some hope and implored God for healing.
Saturday 20th January
We were informed that Mary would have another scan as she had deteriorated overnight. Around noon we were all summoned to hear the doctors’ report. We were told that her nerves had all but died and that she could not breathe on her own if the life support were switched off. However they would run more tests later and we would know more in the evening. We now faced the reality that Mary was not going to live. It was Mary’s birthday and the younger children were brought over and we spent her birthday in ICU. Around 9.30 pm the doctor told us the dreaded news – the test had been done and, there being no Improvement, the life support machine would be switched off. The doctor asked us about organ donation; would we consider donating some or all of Mary’s organs or had she ever mentioned donation. Would we be willing to offer hope to another? My brother John asked for time to consider this.
We went back into the room and read the information the doctors had given us regarding donation. Our discussions only lasted a few minutes as we were all in agreement – this is what Mary would have wanted. Mary and I had often discussed this when it came up on the news and she would say how good people were; we never got round to signing the register or carrying the card.
This was Mary – she was always willing to help folk when she was living and now she was going to help them when she was gone. Our daughter Sarah didn’t want mummy’s eyes to go as she had beautiful blue eyes so we didn’t tick that box. We immediately informed the doctors accordingly to go ahead and use all her organs except her eyes. The doctor contacted Pauline Haslett who is a transplant co-ordinator at Belfast City Hospital who came immediately to CAH and met with us to have all the necessary paperwork completed. Mary remained on the machine until the next day until all her organs had been removed and dispatched.
Sunday 21st January 2007
Pauline assured us that we would have Mary’s body home today so we contacted the undertaker. Before we went to the funeral home at 8.00 pm Pauline Haslett phoned to say the 12 year boy had had his liver transplant and was out of surgery. Around that time too the recipients in Scotland were accepting her other organs.
When Mary’s body came to her home of 24 years for her last hours we were consoled by the fact that others had benefited from our loss. We have no regrets but we miss her so, so much. She was my soul mate and guidance for 24 years so I knew I had to carry on and hope she’d help me.
As a family we still find it very difficult to speak about Mary but we do know we did the right thing in donating her organs.
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